


Seek It Out

by ukulele_villian



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, I diagnose that rey has caught compassionate feelings for the space nerd. there is no cure, Mind Reading, dialogue centric, luke 'oh god there's another one please no more atomic bombs' skywalker, rey and kylo talk and it's awesome and I love writing dialogue, snoke sucks and I hate him forever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2017-11-14
Packaged: 2019-02-02 03:32:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12718776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ukulele_villian/pseuds/ukulele_villian
Summary: Rey reads Kylo Ren's mind while they try to have a civil conversation in a hut.





	Seek It Out

The crackling of the fire and the click of her throat as she swallows is too loud for her liking amongst the silence and her guest. The dark circles that had characterized his eyes before are more prominent than Rey wants to acknowledge. She feels his stare boring into her; he’s unabashedly watching as she tends to the tiny fire she’s begun in the hut. Their shadows play and flicker on the walls as the fire moves. Rey glances in the corner of her eye to see that each of their shadows is oddly large and looming.

This could all be a terrible and twisted dream: Kylo Ren peacefully sitting in a hut on Luke Skywalker’s island while she attempts to make a meal and forget all that has occurred in the last month. She had come to Luke Skywalker looking for a different ending, one where a hero actually acted like a hero and not an enigma. 

“There are salted meats in the pots above you,”

Rey finally stops fidgeting with the fire and meets Kylo’s gaze. The scar, his exhaustion, his drumming force signature, and the deceiving calm in his actions makes her pause; she’s surprised that the first words out of his mouth are a mundane suggestion. Rey internally screams not to play into this civil game. If this were real they would be back out in the pouring rain with their sabers drawn, not sitting together nervously about to cook some meat. It was a few days prior that she had run to him to do battle. 

“I’m shocked you’ve survived this long on beets and the gamy birds,” Kylo takes the pot of meat from her and reaches for a pan resting on a low table behind him. He flawlessly begins cooking and falls into the sync of preparing food. “Those frog women don’t appear friendly.”

“I’ve convinced a few to lend me a hand here and there.” 

“Of course you have.” Kylo almost smirks, but not quite. His face fights with itself to maintain aloofness. He takes a spoon and slowly pushes the meat around as he fries it in the pan. The crackles and the rain outside sit heavily over both of them and enhance what the other doesn’t wish to acknowledge. 

“I caught a glimpse of Skywalker harassing the wild-life-”

“Why are you being kind to me ?” She cuts him off before he can make any more sardonic small talk. The impatience of the moment melts into a month of unanswered questions and disappointment. He’s looking at her now like she’s mad, he can hear the edge to her tone and his drawn eyebrows reveal he’s taken aback by her candor. 

“I never was able to keep a conversation….” He stirs the meat again. 

“Tell me why you’re being kind to me.” Rey pushes and lets the force slip into her words. This gets Kylo’s full attention. He finally stops stalling and sets the food down. Agitation plays across his face. 

“How long have you been on this island ?” He flippantly asks his own question and interrupts Rey when she tries to stammer through an accusation. “To answer your question I must know how long you’ve been here.”

“I’ve been here a month.” 

“What has Luke Skywalker taught you in that time ?” He cocks his head to the side and a surprising air of gentleness accompanies his question. 

“A meditation,”

“And what else ?”

“Two lightsaber forms….” Rey loathes the pity in Kylo Ren’s eyes. Her stomach churning at how he’s probing her.

“Yet, your powers grow by the day,” He’s whispering now. “It makes sense General Organa would send you to a desolate island where you can implode in peace. Risk of you ending all that she’s built is mitigated.”

“Why are you doing this ?” Rey rubs her eyes. She can feel the bitter tears on the verge of spilling.

“I was answering your question,” Rey watches him pick the pan back up and continue making the food. He levitates a jar from the shelf behind her and dexterously snatches it from thin air. “The past repeats itself. Skywalker and Organa are the same.” 

“You speak in constant riddles.” Rey eyes the plate of food he’s now handing her.

“I speak the truth.” He earnestly holds out the plate. 

Rey finally takes his gift. She gags at how rich and flavorful he’s made it. She had been back to eating rations for the last month. She knew soon that they would run out and she would be stuck to asking for more aid from the women of the island. Rey feels the spike of resentment that the whole time there has been salted meat and herbs in the open part of the village. Once again another lie and deception from Luke Skywalker.

“Thank you…..” Rey closely watches Kylo eat some menial greens he had retrieved from another pot. He doesn’t eat anything he’s created. 

“You’re welcome….” Kylo clearly hasn’t had anyone thank him recently; his wide eyes and barely hidden bafflement are evidence of that. 

They eat in silence. Rey chewing as slowly as she can and Kylo picking at the greens; they both look everywhere but at each other. Rey wants to go out and appreciate the rain; it has started to pick up and the smells brought to the air make her itch to go out and run into the weather like she had her first days here.

“The rain is nice.” Rey can’t explain the compulsion to voice her thoughts. A month of beratement and isolation push the spur ideas to be voiced. 

“Indeed,” 

“Please be honest with me,” Rey bites the inside of her lip. She still tastes the food he had made for her. 

“I’ve only ever been honest with you.” Kylo stares down and pushes his food around to the left and right sides of the plate; he hasn’t eaten any of it.

“I mean be honest with me, but without the riddles. Just answer my questions without testing me.” Rey pleads with him, he’s been kind, but unreasonable. She can consolidate his strangeness as proof that his kindness isn’t genuine.

He just sighs. He puts his plate of untouched food down and sits up straight. “I will try, but I reserve the right to not answer what you ask.”

“Fine,” Rey bites her tongue and plans her next move. The idea that she’s at the mercy of a man who is more a mystery than his uncle chafes at her. Kylo’s temper could make this difficult as well. “Why have you come here to kill us ?”

Kylo’s eyes completely widen and he sputters. “I’ve come to destroy Skywalker, not you. Haven’t you heard a thing I’ve said ?”

“Why ?”

“Why what ?” He barks back, so much for not agitating him.

“Why are you here ?!” She yells and the clay pots all shatter in unison. The hut rocks and groans, but not because of the wind and rain. Rey covers her mouth with both her hands and squeezes her arms tightly to her chest. It’s getting worse. 

Kylo brushes off a piece of pottery that landed on his shoulder. He turns to the window and looks outside cautiously. 

“Why can’t any of you just tell me the truth ?! There’s nowhere on this island for you to even go, you oaf. “ Rey muffles her words with her hands. 

Kylo stands up to fully stare out the window. His head darts back and forth like he expects to see warriors waiting in the fog of the rain. “This is exactly what I feared.”

Kylo walks around the fire and sits beside her. He’s close enough that Rey can feel his breath. 

“I know how this goes,” a new intensity has entered him as he pleads with her. “It’s small and magnificent bursts of the force that slowly grow till the ruptures and outbursts begin. You ignore it or you squash it down, but it comes back no matter what.” 

“You don’t understand.” Rey turns her back to him. 

“You tell yourself that, but you know it’s not true. Search your feelings.” He reaches out for her and she shuffles further away.

“I know someone who can help you.” Rey can’t fathom how sincere he sounds. “I can help you. If you come with me we can both get help from The Supreme Leader.” 

Rey turns to him. His vulnerability is palatable in the air. They both are cast in the shadows of the fire. She can see his entire weakened and confused self; Rey wonders if her own face has the same level of sleeplessness or desperation. 

“I can’t trust a murderer,” Rey forces her eyes to stare directly into his. If she could make him feel the pain and frustration of her month on this island she would. 

“What happened with Han-” 

“No, I mean what happened with Luke.”

Rey relishes in the confusion he feels. When he pulls back from her he now takes on the likeness of an animal ready to bolt from fear. The sadistic joy of having him be vulnerable to her tastes wrong, but she doesn’t want to let it go. 

“What stories has Skywalker told you ?” His words come out measured and concise, but he’s shaking. 

“He told me enough.” Rey spits out at him and feels a victory when Kylo flinches. “He told me how you’re a monster. He told me how you betrayed your family. Luke treating me the way he does is your fault.”

“If that’s true then you should see it for yourself.” 

“What ?” He must be insane. He and his uncle are both insane.

“You’ve been in my mind before. If you’re so sure of what really happened then you won’t mind seeing it.” He’s hesitating with putting his shields down not for her; he keeps looking back towards the window. Something out there has bothered him, but he turns back to Rey nonetheless. 

He closes his eyes and Rey feels the barriers around him fall, his force signature is barely contained. He’s shaking violently as he sits; in this moment he’s given her a sword and he’s allowing her to hold it right to his throat. His face is bowed and his hair shakes as well. 

“Go,” he murmurs. “Find the proof of what you’re looking for.” 

Rey raises her shaking hand and lets it hover besides the temple of his forehead. She lets herself fall into him; she wants to make him hurt, but even she can’t bring herself to beat him when he’s open like this. 

His mind is a mess; it’s worse than when she last saw it. The lesions she had used against him are wider and deeper. Conflict, pain, and fear are overpowering in his headspace. Worst is another’s force signature interwoven into his mind in a grotesque fashion. Someone else has been trampling through him and taking little time or care with how much damage they leave. Stitches of someone’s sick handiwork strangle every part of him and force Rey to go deeper to find the memories she needs. The evidence of a violent ripping and macabre dissection of his whole being is on display. When she reaches a bright patch of his memories she lets herself wind through them. Each snapshot links to another. 

“I promise this will help.”

“The others understand the Force, just like you.”

“How can they understand ? They believe, but they can’t comprehend.” 

“Sometimes I feel like I’m talking to a droid, not my own kid…..”

“I don’t think we can be friends with you anymore…”

“Is he sick ?”

“If you give in this will be painless. Resist and you shall remain forever lost.” 

“They’re off saving those of consequence. You are a nuisance.”

“Come back ! Please come back !”

“Hold still, boy !”

“I’m doing well.”

“You’re a skilled liar--just like your parents.”

“I’m very eager to serve.”

“Serve for what ? What even are you ?”

“He needs a break.”

“No, he needs to be pushed.”

“He needs to learn his place.”

“We need his gifts. We need him.”

“You need no one.”

“I know what I have to do, but I don’t have the strength to do it.”

“They need you, but they don’t want you.”

“Join me. All will be well.”

“No !”

“He can’t actually be their child.”

“Witch !”

“Changeling !”

“Demon !”

“Monster !”

“Be careful, you might touch him and catch his crazy.”

“They all see it. You’ve done such a poor job of concealing.”

“Liar !”

“Senator Organa and her brother, Luke Skywalker are traitors to The New Republic. Their father terrorized the galaxy and died without do course of justice. Anakin Skywalker was no martyr; he was a tyrant just as his children are and just as his daughter’s son will be.”

“It can’t be true.”

“We need his potential if we are to continue. Yet, what happens when we fail to rear them correctly ?”

“Who in the galaxy will accept you now ?”

“There is nowhere left to turn.”

“There is no one in this entire universe who can appreciate what you have.”

“You have an obligation to your grandfather.”

“You have an obligation to the galaxy.”

“You have an obligation to me.”

“Careful, Ren; do not let your interests interfere with orders from Leader Snoke.”

“Forgive me, Grandfather.”

“Come home; we miss you.”

“It’s too late.”

“You have compassion for her.”

 

Rey pulls back roughly. She’s seen enough. New tears stream down her face and blur her view of Kylo Ren. He’s panting and running his hands through his hair as he shakily stands up to walk and collapse on the other side of the hut. 

“Kylo !” She rushes to him and he violently flinches. She halts herself and slows her movements to lean down beside him. He’s put his weight onto the wall and is still breathing heavily, but when he looks at her she realizes he’s not angry; he’s amazed. 

“Your powers,” Blood dribbles from his nose, but he ignores it. “It’s been less than a month since the awakening….” 

“Are you okay ?” Rey can’t stand this pitiful sight. 

“Of course.” He almost laughs when her mouth goes ajar. 

“I hurt you when I read your mind.” Rey should feel the thrill of paying him back for when he interrogated her, but she can’t stomach how his mind has been roughly pried opened like a shell she’s seen on the beach. 

“That’s of no consequence. You can do much worse.” Kylo stands and he lifts Rey up with him. The impulse to comfort him after what she’s seen but also shove away his touch grapples within her. 

“Was that the first mind reading you’ve done since Starkiller Base ?” 

“Yes, but I don’t-”

“Do you see ? Even with the scrapings of Skywalker’s obsolete teachings you’re so much stronger. Now you can begin using your powers, not fearing them……. Let this terrible past die. Come with me.” He’s pleading so desperately that her heart hurts. She needs help, but she refuses to fall into the clutches of the First Order like he has.

“Fine,” She finally states.

“Good, we can take Skywalker’s X-wing and we’ll return here once you and I are ready-”

“No,” Rey pulls away.

“Wha-”

“I’m going with you, but I refuse to go to your master. We’re taking the Millennium Falcon too. If you want to teach me then we’ll go somewhere like Ach-to, but I will not serve the First Order.”

“You won’t be serving The First Order-” He argues and and tries to reach for her again.

“Your master is the First Order. I won’t meet with the person who's put your psyche through hell !” 

“You’re speaking nonsense-”

“He’s the one who did that your mind. He had to have. I know he did.” Rey points at him accusingly. “Your mind is raw from someone else. Someone is hurting you.” 

This shocks him. He shakes his head vigorously and searches for the right words to convince her. “The Supreme Leader is wise.” 

“You’re lying.”

“No,” Kylo Ren shakes his head again and stares at the ground. “The Supreme Leader has a vast knowledge of the Force that is unrivaled. The Supreme Leader graciously showed me the truth. His word is law and functions as a pillar of order in the galaxy-”

“That’s bull and you know it !” She’s now the one reaching for him. “I searched my own feelings. If we’re going to make a truce then you need to search yours too.”

“Truce means an end…..” He finally lets her grab and hold both his arms, he seems apprehensive, but he acquiesces anyway. 

“I need answers from you,” Rey stares at him and keeps her eyes bold. “I know I can’t get them here, but this is temporary. I need a place to begin so I can find where I belong in the rest of this.” 

Kylo poorly hides a crestfallen face in response. Rey’s surprised he doesn’t attempt to argue with her further. In that moment she knows that he must need something from her as well; it is the only conclusion to why he’s let her negotiate. He nods at her and sighs when she lets go of his biceps. “If you train with me you’ll soon see the path to order. Eventually you will understand why we must return to Snoke.”

“I want to work with you, not him. I’ll be your apprentice….” Kylo snuffs out the spark of desire and joy at the mention of her wanting to be his apprentice. The constant self wrestling seems to be what he does best.

“Chewbacca is on the Falcon. I’ll tell him to begin departure.” Rey doesn’t miss how Kylo scoffs at the mention of the wookie. His trepidation grows more pronounced in the way he bites his lips, swallows physically, and wrestles down his pride. The desire to have her accept his teachings wins over all his other emotions. Rey feels each tendril of dread emanate through him, but he’s just like her; he’s in need of answers and they are both cornered. 

Rey moves to grab for her satchel, but she stops before her fingers grasp the strap. A sharp ringing emits from somewhere causing her thoughts to flee. “Do you hear that ?”

“No-”

A great pulse and racket of energy emits and Rey finds herself lying on the ground looking up at the dark, raining sky. Her body screams to run and hide as she numbly lies on the ground. The hut is gone and all she can do is attempt to make her body move. 

“Scavenger !” Kylo’s shout wakes her from her delirium. His tone is steady like a general yelling commands.

“Scavenger !” He yells again, but she hears now a quiver in his voice. 

“Rey ? Rey !?” He’s now completely consumed with panic. The facade of control that he held in the first time he called for her is thrown wide open. He is consumed with the horror that he’s just lost her. How can someone so capable of terrors be so full of good ?

“I’m here,” Rey pushes through the smoke and debris surrounding her mind and her body. I’m here and I’m good, but I am just as capable of terror as you. “I’m over here !” 

Rey rises from the debris coughing as she stands. There to greet her is her former hero. Luke’s darkened expression explains to her exactly what just happened. 

“So you’re just going to murder us ! That’s how you want to end the Jedi !” Luke’s impassive demeanor makes her ire grow. “You’re just as much a monster as we are.”

“Not you,” Luke circles her. “Just him--I can end it here.”

“So I’m supposed to be Ben’s replacement ?!” Rey uses Kylo’s real name; the one she heard Han shout across the bridge; the one she knows that he and his family refuse to speak. “You are just like Ben,” She points an accusing finger at Luke. “You’re afraid ! You’ve lost him and yourself. You let Snoke play you--you let Snoke play everyone; and now he’s stolen your nephew and your light.”

Luke grits his teeth and the Force thrums around him. Rey can feel the precipice of Luke’s anger. She pushes on anyway. “I know the stories ! They said that you could tear Star Destroyers from the sky, they said you could change the color of oceans with nothing but a snap,” Rey summons her staff with a flick of her wrist and she marches towards Luke with blind rage. “They whispered that when you made the great Darth Vader fall you showed him compassion before you snuffed him out forever. Is that all a lie ? Is the idea of it all not even true ?!” Luke’s caught off guard by her rampage. She makes a move with her staff and is stopped by his telekinesis. With raw and blinding anger she breaks it and throws out a wave of her own telekinesis. Luke’s shocked face and terror as he is sent sprawling to the ground stops Rey in her tracks.

“He’s a lost cause, Rey. You are not. I will not make these same mistakes again.” He looks up at her from the ground. She’s brought Luke Skywalker to the very level that she’s been squabbling in for a month, but none of her feelings lead to celebration or victory. “This isn’t going the way you think ! He will lead you right into Snoke’s hands !”

Rey turns and runs. She hears Luke yell for her, but she doesn’t look back.

**Author's Note:**

> I actually theorize that Rey could be responsible for the hut's explosion. For the sake of this story I had Luke do it, though.


End file.
